


that's not my name

by PassionateKey



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Confusion, Dog Tags, Freeform, POV Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 19:42:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4072201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassionateKey/pseuds/PassionateKey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he's Steve Rogers, then who the hell is Bucky? But most importantly who is the man with the shield and why is he calling him that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	that's not my name

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a head canon I saw a while ago about the boys switching tags before missions and Bucky falling with Steve's tags, that I took a step further and was like lol what if Bucky thought he was Steve because of that. I know there's a lot of 'he's' and it might get a little confusing, sorry for that. Also totally pulling a whedon and ignoring everything that happened in AOU cause I can.

The first thing he notices before anything else is the cold.

Cold everywhere. 

Every part of his body, some that he can't even feel, is cold.

But he feels it, nipping at his insides, his breathes getting shallower.

 

The second thing he notices is the heat on his chest. It burns through him, radiating from a single source.

He reaches for it with his right hand, he can't feel his left, can't-must be the cold? He doesn't think about it, instead just reaches for the heat burning through him.

 

They rattle against the wind, the pieces of metal in his trembling fingers. He isn't sure what they are at first, but as he brings them to his face he sees them, dog tags, bright as day. Etched on them: **Steve Rogers**.

 

When the Germans find him half dead and bleeding out he manages to hide the tags somewhere in his suit, because no matter what he won't let them take this away.

 

Zola of course knows about the tags but lets the poor man keep them, he figures no harm in it anyways if they're gonna wipe him.

 

He forgets about them for a long time, they hang around his neck now. Everywhere he goes, they go. He knows they wipe him. Knows he's used as nothing but a weapon. They never refer to him by name, only by _the asset_ , but they don't have to because he knows who he is, he's Steve Rogers, and as long as he remembers that, they can't ever ruin him.

 

The incident in Washington happens and the man with the shield calls him Bucky. He blurts _who the hell is Bucky_ , in a small moment of weakness, but as he gets away he pulls out the tags just too make sure they're real.

 

The incident in Washington ends with him dragging the man with the shield out of the water and a name echoing in his mind. _Your name is James Buchanan Barnes._

_James Buchanan Barnes._

As he trudges through the foliage for cover he shakes it off. That can't be right, his name is Steve Rogers.

 

He shows up at the museum, wearing a hat, and the collar of his jacket pulled up. No one here will notice him, it'll be the last place _they_ will ever think of looking. After all he's just a ghost.

The display shows a picture of a man that looks a lot like him. Less angry. Has a real arm. Even smiling, though he can see the pain in his eyes.

That mans name is James Buchanan Barnes, born in Brooklyn, a long time ago.

The display tell him that James was friends with Steve Rogers, Captain America, the man with the shield. It also tells him James died a long time ago when he fell off a train.

 

He shakes his head as he leaves more confused then when he'd shown up, that can't be right, can't be him, _he's_ Steve Rogers, not the man with the shield, and he's never died.

 

He watches the man, the one with the shield, the one everyone calls Steve. 

It's been a year since the incident in Washington and he knows Steve's looking for him but still he stays in the shadows, always one step ahead.

He remembers sometimes, things about who he used to be. He is still confused on who he really is, but he knows whatever his name is, or was, they used to call him Bucky.

By they, he means Steve, or at least a smaller version of the man he watches. He has memories of watching that smaller man, taking care of him when he was sick, teaching him to dance, how to throw a punch. He remembers him and then he remembers the war and bigger Steve and then he has nightmares and he stops remembering because some things he isn't ready to remember.

 

He finds her, bleeding on her bathroom floor. He only finds her because sometimes he watches her too, the one they call Black Widow. He finds her and she's bleeding out, but yet still manages to shoot him.

 

They stitch each other up after he assures her he isn't gonna hurt her. She laughs, but figures if her wanted to kill her he'd have done it.

He asks her about Steve and she tells him that he's looking for him.

He admits that he knows, that he watches him when he's home, makes sure he's not also bleeding out in his apartment, and sometimes even follows them on missions because he remembers how stupid and reckless Steve can be.

They're quite for a while and all that can be heard in the traffic outside her open window.

She tells him that her partner, the man with the bow will be home soon and he heads towards the door, but not before turning around and asking her what his name is.

She looks at him confused before telling him.

He leaves with the name of a dead man following him.

 _James Buchanan Barnes_.

 

Months pass and he watches Steve even more. He'd grown relentless since the visit with the Widow and now he follows Steve nearly everywhere he goes.

One day it leads him into Brooklyn. He realizes he recognizes some of the streets from his memories, and the place they end up stopping at he definitely remembers.

 

When Steve leaves, he quietly approaches the grave where a small headstone reads: JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES.

 

He slips up. After months of doing so good he slips up and a group of HYDRA thugs corner him in a back alley not far from Steve's apartment. A small boy finds him staggering by a laundry mat a few blocks over and next things he knows he's being rushed into the ER. 

A nurse asks him what his name is and all he manages is: Steve Rogers.

 

He knows he's been made. 

Knows because he woke up to find _him_ sleeping in the chair to his left hours ago but was to groggy to move so he just closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

Knows because know he can hear voices traveling into his room, as _he_ and Widow whisper about what they're gonna do with him.

He tries to get up, tries to pull the IV from his arm, and head towards the window, but right as he's about to swing his legs off the bed _he_ walks in.

 

He takes him home, Steve does, to his home.

He's not sure what he's supposed to do, so he awkwardly sits on the corner of the couch he'd seen Steve sit on from across the street.

Steve asks hims how long he's remembered and he tries to shake off the feeling of dread when he tells Steve he's remembered for about a year now and Steve looks at him like he's kicked a puppy.

They sit in awkward silence for a while longer until Steve asks why he gave _his_ name at the hospital and not his own.

He sucks in his breath, this is the moment he was waiting for.

"Because that's my name." he tells him.

Steve looks at him confused.

"No Bucky, thats my name. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

He shakes his head.

"No." his voice comes out hoarse, and like the first time he uses his right hand to pull the hot metal out form under his shirt, his left hand frozen in place. "I'm Steve Rogers."

Steve, in front of him, chokes out a sob when he sees the tags. Before long he's grabbing him in a tense hug, he doesn't pull away at first. But when he does Steve looks away, tears in his eyes before pulling out an identical set of tags from under his shirt.

 

"We used to switch them before missions," he explains as he grips the metal in his fingers. "It drove Peggy crazy, but to us it was a silent way of telling each other that we'd always make it back. Alive."

"When we went on that train, that mission to capture Zola, we did it just the same. I gave you my tags and you gave me yours. When they found me I had your tags around my neck, I figured with the fall.." Steve clears his throat, "I figured with the fall you'd lost mine."

 

Eventually he finds his voice, it's dark out and his voice is too dry but he doesn't care. "I remember finding them when I first woke up after the fall. They were burning hot against all that cold. I hid them at first, but for some reason they let me keep them. Even after every wipe it was the one thing I had, the one thing they couldn't take from me, my name. I guess that answers that though, they never took them because it wasn't mine."

 

"You called me Bucky, in Washington, I remember you calling me that before the war."

Steve nods, pulling his tags, James' tags, back over his head. "Always have, you never did like James much."

He, Bucky, James, nods.

"I have never been called anything but _the asset_ ," he admits quietly. "But I think I would like to start with James."

**Author's Note:**

> also apologies for this mess, i wrote it at 3 in the morning after watching the first avenger and winter soldier back to back. and forever never knowing what to tag things as.


End file.
